In the light of what happened to the boy that died in the secondary school in Lagos and was attributed to bullying, it took me down the memory lane. The blog is not about analysing the case, but it is about comparing eras 80’s and now and pointing out the differences.
In our days, there were hierarchies within the school system. In our school, there were the principal & teachers, whose sole job was was to educate. However, my interpretation of their roles in terms of education Dre about the intellectual, moral and overall discipline. It never included the day to day or social development of the children. Not because they were negligent, but because it was given to the students based on their class to handle that.
The prefects were the law, the seniors, enforcers and the social code was not fixed, it was fluid but there were basic principles from the societlies morals that govern that. And it came from the home - the family structure and the community. We turned up and knew our place as we went through the years in school. Respect your seniors, no matter their age, height, disposition. Do your chores. Stay within the confines of the school and obey the school regulations. It will be well with you 😁🤷🏾♂️.
With your class mates, we had ranks. Class captains, student representative council (SRC) members. But in general, we were equal. However, it will be silly to say we did not have those who wanted to lord their influence over others. This can physical (brute strength), social ( sports, girls, access to seniors) and intellectual ( academic prowess). However, there were unwritten codes. Whatever it is, there is a limit to physical harm, amount of torrent abuse and there was a duty of care to others. Beyond a point, you are on your own and we know it. Cross the line we sing
🎼Ma gbe keke e lo, a o ba e sere mo 🎼.
But our values comes from the temperature of the society we lived in. CommuniTy justice. Cross the road in the wrong place, you get punished twice if you are stupid. The mama alagbado/alakara/elepa that will have verbally abuse you for crossing the road in the wrong place or the old man that will have slapped you for your stupidity. If you are stupid to report them at home and you narrate the story after questioning, you get dealt with by your parents again. We looked out for each other - both adults and kids. We walked in groups, defended ourselves and dealt with each other’s stupidity. Parents knew each other, we knew people via community links (clubs, church, mosques). I did not go to boarding school but we lived a life as close to it. School day starts at 6:45-7am to go school and a lot of us head back around 5pm after prep or other school activities but i was monitored all the time and my moral compass told me what to get involved in or steer clear of.
Coming to the present, the situation of boy in question show a drop in our morals as a society and how much kids do not have the social upbringing and morals that they need to survive and the parents ( unfortunately, it will my age mates or a little older) have lost their focus and chase after wealth, passed family responsibilities to teachers ( who have their own families) and given up on building the sanctity of the home. Ile laa ti nko eso rode🤔… What is clear in the bullying case is that the boy was attacked by some senior students and in the process sustained injuries which resulted in death. Issues like forceful conscription into a cultist group, forced ingestion of harmful substance, cover up by the school, evacuation of some suspected participants in the violence from Nigeria and rumors of a history of such behaviors in the school are still emerging and evolving daily. But these are failings from the home and the societal decadence that we have now. Kids with no moral compass, parents with lost ones and oblivious to what their kids are doing. Yes, there are bullies in schools (in my time & now) but so also is the case in life. The system at its best teaches in my times however taught you to stand up to the bullies. At its worst the bullying may degenerate to willful harm and wickedness and such should not be tolerated and was not tolerated by the kids and adults alike.
Several boys (ex students) of my school enjoy class reunion activities in December because we celebrate what we endured, survived and prospered. Yes we were beaten, sometimes, we were bruised, we were made to suffer in various ways, but we survived it all. We hold reunions now because we are proud of the system that has produced great men in various capacities and we consider ourselves privileged to have passed through same.
My advise to parents thinking of sending their kids to. schools is to carefully research the antecedents of the school. It is not enough to check WAEC and JAMB results, you should look into the bullying culture of the school. Bullying in schools is usually not attributable to one or two students. It is passed down from generation to generation. You can therefore avoid trouble by asking about the bullying culture from former students or parents.
Note that it could be very difficult to stop especially in boys only schools because the cavalier attitude of boys means that they would not want to be seen as snitches. Please note that you must be honest about the strengths and limitations of your child before sending them to any school. Rather than struggling to change an established order, please find a school that suits your child. This is just a free advise and does not in any way seek to justify the type of violence meted out to the boy that died.
Like one of my friend said in his article: ‘Let’s wrap the children in cotton wool inside Mummy’s wrapper’ will not gerrit. So the kids can fogerrit.No to bullying, yes to discipline by structured schooling.
Our kids are the leaders of tomorrow. It is better we mete out the training required early at home than face the justice by an institution where we cannot control the outcome. Pass our motto down to them:
Achieve Integritas, to honour our country, our schools and family…
[The article is meant to reflect and look to see what we can do with our children going forward and our responsibility as parents. If this has caused any offence or anger, my apologies are offered.]
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